how did I end up here?

I sat in the third row of the sanctuary. It was your average Sunday. There was no new series, no new song in the set, and no altar call. At first glance, there was nothing “special” about that day.

During worship that morning, I had held my hands open as I told the Lord that my future was in His hands. I told Him that I was submitting all control back to Him. This was a heart posture that I had been holding for weeks now.

Right after worship ended, the announcements started. It was during the announcements that I noticed that something was actually different about this Sunday. My mind seemed particularly quiet and peaceful, which was unusual because it was typically absorbed by the chaos and distraction involved with all the decisions that came with my final year of high school. However, on this day, in this moment, these decisions slipped my mind. This was the moment that I heard His voice. 

It was one word.

“Go”

That one word took everything I thought I knew about my future and turned it upside down. 

I swear time actually stood still in that room. At this point, the people around me were intently listening to the message (sorry Pastor Trey), but behind my blank stare, one question after another spilled out.

“You mean I have to leave all of this?”

“My church?”

“My friends?”

“Everything I love?”

“Everything I’ve ever known?”

“I’ve never done anything like this before. Are you sure?”

My entire body was in shock. There was no way He just told me to do this. Somehow, in the midst of all of the thoughts crashing in my mind, I was able to take a breath and meditate on the sound of His voice. Immediately, all of the questions I had were quieted by a simple:

“Yes”

Still in disbelief, I managed to respond with

“Okay, I’ll go”

Over the next few days I sought Him and spent my days talking with my Father about His plans for me. I honestly wish I could go back to those few days with Him. Everything was so sweet. It was all so new, but we were discovering it together. There was an overwhelming sense of peace and sureness that rested over me during that time. There was not a single doubt in my mind that this is what He desired for me.

I slowly but surely started telling people. Some were so happy for me and proud of what I was going to do for His kingdom. Some didn’t believe that I was actually going to be able to pull this off. Some said (to my face) that it was stupid. Through it all, there was only one voice that I depended upon. 

The months that followed were full of so many emotions.

At times I couldn’t contain my excitement and found myself walking around with a smile plastered on my face for no apparent reason.

At times I’ve been anxious and questioned my choice when the enemy filled my mind with lies about myself and my call.

At times- that were more recent than you might think- I sobbed and told Him that I didn’t want to do this. That this wasn’t what I ever envisioned for myself. That I was going to miss out on so much by being gone.

The good news is that He always meets me no matter how I’m feeling. And no matter how I’m feeling, my answer to Him never changes. It’s always:

“Okay, I’ll go”

Through much prayer, He’s been so faithful by preparing me and my heart. So, right now, I’m grateful to tell you that I’m feeling so excited for this season. I know it’s going to be hard. It already has been. But, I also know that He will provide, just like he already has.

I am so honored that He chose me to do this both for and with Him.

I’m also honored to have so many people who love and support me in what I’m called to. Thank you. I genuinely cannot wait to keep sharing what He’s doing in my life and the lives of those around me. My prayer is that the things I share while I’m gone impact you just as much as they impacted me.

I love you guys and I’ll talk to you soon